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Originally Posted On: https://peoplesmagazine.net/common-marriage-counseling-mistakes-and-how-to-avoid-them/
Understanding how to navigate conflict or what to do when one spouse is angry or feels unloved isn’t always easy, even with the best intentions. When things become difficult, many couples struggle to figure out what they should do and how to tackle these problems together.
This is why many couples turn to couples therapy. There have been tons of studies that show the long-term and short-term effectiveness of getting marriage counseling.
If you and your partner are exploring the option of going to counseling, avoid the five most common marriage counseling mistakes you’ll discover in this post.
What Is Marriage Counseling?
All couples will encounter some degree of conflict or struggle in their relationship at some point. Whether it’s a one-time misunderstanding or constant miscommunication, marriage counseling can help. It can teach you to navigate whatever problems might be affecting your relationship.
It can also help you learn how to communicate more effectively with each other and show you how to strengthen and repair your connection. There are different types of couples counseling, including traditional and creative styles.
Traditional couples counseling focuses on resolving present and past problems. How? By addressing issues and feelings between two people in the relationship.
On the other hand, creative couples’ counseling takes a different approach. It uses innovative techniques such as movement, role-playing, and art-making. This helps couples express themselves and find new solutions.
Understand the Process
Couples therapy can have many benefits, but it’s important to understand that it doesn’t happen overnight. You’ll need to be patient with the process and be willing to commit to the work you’ll need to do to improve your relationship. It takes time and effort to improve your relationship, and it’s essential to be realistic about the amount of time required for this work.
In many ways, couples’ therapy is similar to individual therapy. You’ll probably discuss the past, present, and future of your relationship. You will also learn how you can work together to improve your connection with your partner and your life as a couple.
While it can be intimidating to share your feelings and experiences with another person, it can be beneficial. When you’re in therapy, you’ll be able to ask questions, process your emotions, and become aware of things you might not have realized before.
How to Find a Good Marriage Counselor
If you’re considering couples counseling, finding a qualified therapist to work with you is important. Looking for someone near you or a friend’s recommendation can be tempting, but this isn’t always the best approach. You’ll want to pick an experienced and knowledgeable person about marriage counseling.
While anyone can call themselves a couples counselor, not everyone has the same level of training. You’ll want to ensure that the therapist you choose has the proper licensing and credentials for their work.
You may wonder, “which are the best therapists near me?” Finding the right therapist for you will not be a quick journey.
You may have to visit several therapists before settling on one that best suits your need. Once you find an accurate counselor and commit to regular therapy, be sure to avoid the following mistakes.
Mistake 1: Expecting Things Will Be Fixed Quickly
Many couples expect that once they start going to couples therapy, they’ll be able to fix all their problems magically. While therapy is helpful, it’s important not to set unrealistic expectations for the process.
Couples therapy takes time and effort. You’ll likely both come out of it with new insights and skills that you can use to build a stronger relationship.
Couples therapy can be helpful in many situations, but it’s important not to put too much pressure on yourself. Focus on the small wins, and don’t put too much pressure on yourself or your partner.
Mistake 2: Not Setting Specific Goals
As you start couples therapy, setting specific goals for what you hope to accomplish and gain from the experience is important. You’ll likely have a specific reason for wanting to go to therapy in the first place, so make sure to speak about this with your therapist.
If you don’t know why you’re in therapy or what you hope to get out of it, the experience will likely be less helpful than it could be. While all couples therapy is different, you need to know what you hope to accomplish and learn from the experience. This will help you stay focused on what you need to do to make the most of therapy.
Mistake 3: Not Listening to Your Partner
One of the most important aspects of couples therapy is listening to your partner and being open to their experiences and feelings. No matter how eager you are to express your side of the story, it’s important to truly listen. Listening to your partner and understanding where they’re coming from will help your relationship.
Actively listening to your spouse will help you better understand their experience and empathize with how they feel. This can go a long way towards helping you work towards a stronger connection with your partner and a healthier relationship overall.
Mistake 4: Not Participating In Uncomfortable Conversations
Couples’ therapy is often an uncomfortable process. You’ll likely be asked to expose your feelings in ways you normally wouldn’t, and you may be challenged in ways you aren’t used to.
It can be tempting to avoid these uncomfortable conversations or shy away from things that make you feel vulnerable. You’ll want to make sure that you push through this discomfort.
You’ll also want to actively participate in these challenging conversations. This is often when the most growth happens, and it’s important to push yourself to participate fully.
Mistake 5: Trying To Do All The Work Alone
One of the biggest mistakes couples make when starting couples therapy is trying to do all the work themselves. It’s important to remember that you’re in therapy as a couple, not as individuals. You’ll want to make sure that you’re both participating in the process and doing your part to work towards a healthier relationship.
This means that both of you should be talking and participating in therapy sessions, even if it sometimes feels challenging. If you’re only paying attention to what you want to talk about, you won’t get as much out of therapy as you could.
Avoid These Marriage Counseling Mistakes
Couples therapy can be a scary and challenging experience, but it can also be helpful. It can provide you and your partner with a safe space to explore your feelings and get clarity about issues affecting your relationship. Just be sure to keep these marriage counseling mistakes in mind before committing.
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